Walking the Narrow Path

Exploring how to apply God's word in today's world

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  • Welcome to the Family

    You never know what is going on in someone else’s head, what things they are struggling with. Many of us feel we have put on a brave exterior, not show what is really going on inside.

    How many of you have in the past, or even this week, had a terrible day, you know one of those where everything goes wrong. Then you see a friend, or you come into church on Sunday morning and get asked, ‘How are you?’ or ‘How has your week been?’ and what do you say? ‘Fine thanks, how about you?’ or ‘I’m getting there’. Why do we do this? Sometimes we don’t want to burden the other person with our issues, sometimes we feel it shows weakness to struggle and we don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable in that way. Sometimes we don’t feel our issues are validated, sometimes we think we might be judged and I am sure there are many other reasons or excuses we give ourselves.

    But we are family, God’s family. Some of you may not have had the experience of a supportive genetic family, your family may have let you down. Some of you may have had poor experiences within a church family. Unfortunately this can happen because we are all flawed people. But we are a family.

    Paul in his letter 1 Thessalonians 3 v 12 says:

    “and may the Lord make your love grow and overflow to each other and to everyone else, just as our love overflows toward you”

    In Luke 6 v 31 it says:

    “Do for other as you would like them to do for you”

    Proverbs 18 v 24 explains:

    “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother”

    There was a cassette tape that my brothers and sister and I used to listen to when we were growing up. Any one born after the year 2000 may not know what a cassette tape is, Google it! This tape was Psalty the Singing Songbook. Part of the lyrics to one of Psalty’s songs was:

    “Welcome to the family, we’re glad that you have come to share your lives with us, as we grow in love and may we always be to you, what God would have us be a family always there, to strong and to be love.

    May we learn to love each other before we leave today, may words of love be on our lips in everything we say. May the Spirit melt our hearts and teach us how to pray. That we might be a true family”

    I don’t know about you, but the thought of a true family is a good one. A family where you can be yourself without worry. A family that will laugh with you when things are good, will cry with you when things are sad. A family that will help you up and pray with you when you make a mistake and love you through the good times and the bad times. God’s family.

    One of my favourite Christian music groups when I was a teenager was D C Talk and they have a song called ‘What if I Stumble?’ which includes the lyrics:

    “What if I stumble, what if I fall, what if I lose my step and I make fools of us all, will the love continue if my walk becomes a crawl, what if I stumble and what if I fall?”

    The fear of judgement can stop you from doing so much! The fear of stumbling over your words can stop you praying with someone – I understand. The fear of looking like a fool can stop you standing up for yourself and what you believe in. The fear of judgement can stop you asking for help when you need it. Fear of failure can stop you fulfilling your destiny.

    None of us know what people are hiding underneath their outward appearance. Society is acknowledging mental health issues now a lot more than ever and I think the last few years have brought mental health topics to the forefront of work and families dealing with loss, isolation, vulnerability, fear of the unknown and many other reasons.

    As Christians, we have a hope in Jesus. He has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us. But that doesn’t mean that we has humans don’t waiver sometimes. I lost my dad when I was 17, my dad was a man of faith, a lovely man and I have no doubt that he is in heaven, at the time I had no doubt that he was in heaven, but I was still a child who had lost her father, I was still grieving for my father, but as a Christian, at times, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be sad, that I should be celebrating that he was now with Jesus in heaven. I am telling those who have lost loved ones: It is ok to grieve. It is ok to cry. It is ok to admit when you are not ok. That some days it is enough that you got out of bed.

    Some Christians battle depression or other mental illness, but they have been told “the joy of the Lord is your strength”, like there is something wrong, or they are not good Christians if they have a bad day or a bad period. Depression and other mental illnesses are as serious as physical illnesses and they should be acknowledged and treatment found. If as a Christian you break your leg, you don’t refuse to go to the hospital and get it set and cast, even though God is the great healer and more than capable of healing you. In the same way, you are not failing if you go to the doctor to get help with mental or emotional struggles.

    Elijah suffered a period of depression, in 1 Kings 19 v 3 – 8 he asked God to take his life, he had had enough.

    “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’ Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.’ So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by the food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.”

    Elijah slept, got up and ate and slept some more. In this period he had nothing left in him other than to eat and sleep with no capacity for anything more. After he had taken this time, he was able to carry on with his journey. David knew some bad times too, Psalms 102 v 1 – 11 says:

    “Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. For my days vanish like smoke; my bones burn like glowing embers. My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones. I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins. I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof. All day long my enemies taunt me; those who rail against me use my name as a curse. For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears because of your great wrath, for you have taken me up and thrown me aside. My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass.”

    I wonder how much this resonates in the tough times of life. Have you had times when you have forgotten to eat, when you feel alone, when you feel like you have been cast aside? As Christians, as a family of God, we should be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to ourselves and to one another, but we must remember that they do not define us. If we can acknowledge when we are going through a difficult time, our church family can pray with us, support us and respond with love and not judgement.

    Everybody struggles with something, even if their outward attitude and appearance seems to say otherwise. Take time to get to know your church family, spend time with them. Be proud of your scars. The things you have been through in life the situations you have survived, equip you with the insight and the tools to help and support someone else, but sometimes you have to speak up, you have to make yourself vulnerable and tell your story. The things each of us have been through in the past may have been painful, they may have been devastating. You may have made choices in your life that you look back on now and think, I should have done things differently and perhaps you should, but all those things you have been through, all those things you have survived, have given you skills that you may not have had without them. They have taught you things that have shaped you as a person.

    I won’t go into Joseph’s back story right now, but he went through a lot in his life, when he confronted his brothers later on for selling him into slavery he said ‘you meant it to harm me, but God meant it for good’

    Let us love each other, let us support each other, let us pray for each other. Let us be part of the family of God.

  • My first blog is an introduction to me and my journey in life so far

    I was fortunate enough to grow up in a Christian home where my parents taught me Christian values and I attended Sunday School, Church and mid-week Christian activities that gave me an excellent foundation. I was 8 years old when I gave my life to Jesus. It was a Billy Graham conference held in the Princes Theatre in Clacton on Sea in 1989, I think it was on the big screen from London, but I really don’t remember those details.

    All through my school life I was unafraid of sharing my faith, I was involved in Christian Unions and started taking Sunday Schools and youth groups when I was still a teen myself, but I was committed and all in. A few weeks before my 18th birthday my Dad suddenly died from a heart attack and my world shook. I am the oldest of 4 and I took my older sister role seriously, stepping up and into my Dad’s shoes as best I could to be there for my Mum and my brothers and sister. My Dad had been a deacon in our church for most of my life and a few years later I decided to step into his shoes in this area too and was elected when I was around 20 years old.

    I served in the church for a number of years, however when the pastor retired and a new one was appointed I discovered that I had been naive in thinking that all pastors were infallible. I went through a very difficult time in the church and simultaneously one of my brothers was going through cancer treatment so I was travelling frequently into London to visit him. This was the first time my faith in God was seriously rocked. Collectively as a church and by myself as one of the leaders in the church we had prayed so hard for the right person to come to pastor the church and everything had felt so right, until suddenly it went so wrong. I tried to fix things, but ended up getting blamed for the issues. I was devastated and walked away from the church. Whilst I didn’t stop believing in God, I thought perhaps he wasn’t so interested in the details. I was around 28 at this point and single, I had dated a few people, but no one long term and I had been praying for a husband since my teens. I decided if I wanted to get married and have a family then I would need to go out there and make it happen myself, because I was now convinced that God wasn’t that involved in the details.

    I met someone and despite all my previous principles, I no longer valued myself or believed God cared about the details, so I moved in with him after 3 months and about a year later we got married. Right from the beginning things weren’t right, but I was desperate to be married and have a family and this man was willing and said he loved me, so I didn’t listen to the little voice inside. Not long after we got married I found out that he had a pornography addiction and when I say addiction, it wasn’t an occasional viewing, it was every day and he couldn’t stop. He worked shifts and had kept it from me for some time, but when I found out I was devastated. My own self-confidence, which wasn’t good anyway hit an all time low. I tried to help him and support him dealing with it like the addiction it was and I thought things were getting better.

    We started attending church together and I convinced myself that everything was ok. He was doing a pornography addiction course to break the habit and seemed to be doing well. Then when I was having some physical discomfort and joked that it wasn’t like he would have given me an STI all I got back was an awkward silence. It never crossed my mind that he would cheat on me, just wasn’t on my radar, but he admitted he had been sleeping with other people. It wasn’t even people he was interested in, he had been paying for it and built up quite a substantial debt. I was in shock, I was devastated and my self-worth sank even lower. I felt that I was so worthless that my husband would rather pay someone to be with him than to be with me. I felt like I was being punished for my previous choices and there was an element of ‘you’ve made your bed, now you will lie in it’. My marriage vows meant something to me and after a few weeks of him living with his parents, I tried to forgive and move on. I tried really hard and again convinced myself for a short while that we could get through it, but I had no self-worth and he didn’t really feel he had done anything wrong and after another year when it became apparent to me that he hadn’t changed at all, we ended it and I filed for divorce. We had been married for 6 years and not much of it had been happy. Doing it my way hadn’t got me the husband and family I had been longing for. Not long after this I sat in my car with Radio 2 on crying and I suddenly just prayed ‘God I don’t know what to do, I am so scared about the future’. Immediately I heard on the radio ‘She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future’. Radio 2 was doing a thought of the day and the words were from Proverbs 31 v 25.

    Did I learn though, of course not. I was a broken person feeling worthless and looking for someone to validate me. I still believed in God, but still wasn’t convinced he was interested in the details and certainly not for such a worthless person like me. I dated a bit and then found someone else who said the right things and made me feel something and I rushed straight in. He was only around at the weekends as he worked away most of the week and that suited me fine. He had a couple of adult children and a 12 year old who would stay with us every other weekend as a minimum. I loved being step mum and planning outings and activities and for 3 years I convinced myself I was happy and had what I wanted. At this time I started attending a church sometimes as I was really missing my previous relationship with God, but still not quite ready to admit it. When covid hit in 2020 and my partner was no longer away during the week and we were living with each other all the time, I had to admit that it was not what I wanted. We were both broken people and our insecurities were just causing more harm to each other, so after 3 years together we mutually decided to end it.

    I moved back to Clacton and into a ground floor flat in the same road as my Mum and sister and started attending my previous church. At this time there was a new pastor who was older and seemed really nice and there weren’t that many people who had been there before. My housing situation wasn’t great as the two flats above had difficult tenants, but I stayed there for 2 years, attending church every week and praying I could be in a position to buy my own house, whilst saving as much as possible towards the deposit.

    During that 2 years I repaired my relationship with God, I discovered that he is interested in the details and he loves me, even when I feel unloveable. I learnt a lot about myself and whilst I know some of my past decisions weren’t the best, all the things I have been through have given me the experience and teaching to make me a better person today. I resonate with Joseph in the Bible when he says ‘you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good’. The pastor of my church then retired and I was apprehensive about what might happen, however the church went through a period of having no pastor and I found that the confidence and skills I had learnt in presenting to teams and dealing with people in my job, enabled me to transfer those skills to be able to speak in church sometimes.

    Two years ago we got a new pastor in the church, who is a very Godly man and has continued to encourage me growing my relationship with God and to continue to speak in church sometimes. In September 2023 I was able to purchase a house for myself, which I am so grateful to God for. I am still single and have been for 5 years. Whilst I have dabbled in a few Christian dating websites, I haven’t had more than a couple of actual dates and they weren’t the right people. I am now 44 years old, my life doesn’t look like what I pictured it would be at this age, but I am learning to be ok with that and trust that God holds my future. When I was baptised I was given a promise: Jeremiah 29 v 11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    This is what I am leaning on now. I am excited for what God has in store for my future and part of that is this blog. I hope to be able to support you who are going through your own difficult journey and not only help to point you back to the Saviour who loves you, but also remind myself that no matter what, God loves us and holds our futures in his hands.

    Jen